Disconnected. That’s how Alice felt. Isolated. Desolate. Obsolete. They all lead to the same bitter feeling; loneliness. One of just three emotions that the human mind was never designed to handle.
Why? Because these three sensations were never meant to exist. The other two? The second; rejection, and the third; failure.
People will always argue that one is greater than the other two. Those who don’t argue over this matter are either amazingly good fortuned or life has failed them beyond hope and repair.
Only one who has suffered from all three of these in one instance and survived to tell the tale could even begin to understand the foundations of life.
Alice, unfortunately, is one of those people. More unfortunate still, Alice is lost. She has receded so far into her own imagination, in search of an escape from reality, that the chances of her ever reaching the exit to the maze in her mind are slim. The chances of her reaching Wonderland? None.
In Alice’s head, there is no Wonder, and there is no Land. In truth, their isn’t even a maze. Instead, she runs, not blind, just surrounded by impenetrable darkness. And, in this darkness, as Alice runs, just three emotions consume her. Loneliness, Rejection and Failure.
As Alice ran though the darkness that viciously tore at her skin and grasped at her dress – a dress she couldn’t remember ever owning, or wearing – she became aware of another, fourth sensation, a feeling that slowly wrapped its clammy fingers around her throat and, as she ran faster, pushing herself father into the depths of her tortured mind, dragged her back into the hell of reality.
She screamed. He grunted. She twisted – or rather, attempted – but he shifted his weight, trapping her between the bed and himself. A single tear rolled down her blood crusted cheek, and she opened her eyes, tumbling back into the darkness.
Only this time, as the darkness swallowed her, she found herself unable to move, every part of her body resisting every futile effort that she made. She would of panicked, but her mind, devoid of any thoughts or emotions, could no longer piece together the necessary requirements that create the suffocating feelings of panic.
Instead, she just lay sprawled across the vast blackness that she assumed must be the ground of her imagination. If this was the base of her imagination though, then it was not at all how she must of imagined it, although she could not be sure now, because the part of her brain that housed any memories was not completely shut off.
So Alice lay on the ground, an empty shell, not waiting, not thinking, just lying. Her eyes stared into the darkness, seeing nothing, the same as her ears scanned the darkness, yet heard nothing but her own steady breathing.
Suddenly, she felt something slicing into her arm, and she sat up, screaming. The darkness crumbled away and she was in the bedroom again; her own personal hell. Every barrier of her mind erupted and every memory, every thought, every emotion flooded into her at once. Violent shivers trembled through her aching body and she gave in to the people around her.
Their were people around her. Her heart began to hammer faster than it already was, and a new feeling began to creep through her body, slowly caressing the darkest corners of her memory. She attempted to push this new feeling away, but she couldn’t, it just felt so amazingly good compared to all the pain and misery still trapped inside of her. The hopefulness quickly began to spread and a small laugh may or may not have escaped from her mouth.
The people around Alice were asking a steady stream of questions but she could not hear them, and even if she could, right now, she probably wouldn’t of been able to answer them.
A fuzzy whiteness began to engulf her mind and cloud her eyes, but she didn’t mind. Now she knew she was safe, now everything was going to be ok. As the calm, soothing whiteness swallowed her, a small, almost unnoticeable smile cracked across her lips.
Hopefulness, a requirement in every humans life at one point of another. It’s the thing that keeps you going when you are down, and yet often manages to remain constant when you’re up. Without hope, there is often nothing left to feel. Hope is one of the last emotions that we resort too, yet it is one of the greatest, one of the most vital.
Never Give Up On Hope
I don’t like roundabouts all that much though, they just scare and confuse me.
I actually just went to my room and lay on my bed and cried. It’s been four months now as well, and its like I feel like I shouldn’t feel shit about it now but tonight I’m realy thinking about him. 
